Let the Ignorance be Brighter Than God
by StopForAMinuteToSmile
Summary: Sasori is alone. Deidara said he'd be there for him, but he's not. Sasori can't take it anymore, not without his backbone to help him, he just can't deal with it. Horrible summary... B  INCLUDES; Swearing, Death, and Depression. Don't like, gtfo.


**AN: THIS IS AU, kind of. XD**

**THEY ARE OOC. Deal with it!**

**(Excuse my REALLY long AN at the end of the story… TT^TT)**

**I don't hate Deidara, either. Just pointing that out. This was originally a HAPPY ending. **

**In case you were wondering, which you most likely weren't xD, the title is a combination of Paramore songs, which all fit the situation I was in perfectly. Apart, the songs are; Let The Flames Begin, Ignorance, Brighter, and Playing God. **

**I wrote this a really long time ago, because I was having certain issues and doubts about myself and my life, and I had only one person I could trust with this iformation; My Brat. But, hah shocker, even she turned her back on me and left me with noone.**

**This was supposed to have a happy ending, but not anymore. I'm basing this, except the ending (obviously.) on my own life, believe it or not. I did get as crazy and fucked up as Sasori does. **

**This involves death, swearing, and all out depression. Don't like, don't read. Don't give me your shit because you didn't listen and read anyway. Thank yew x3**

xOxOx

Different. That's how they could describe the old things. Things back then were so easy; it was almost unbelievable to everyone that they were even growing up. Back then, there were no problems and nothing to worry about like there was now. They had no real stress on their shoulders and they didn't have to think about how their lives were going to be tomorrow, because they would be the same. But it wasn't like that now.

Things change in life, that was a lesson that they knew by now. At the age of fourteen, things were already beginning that long, fire-like cycle of changes. They were beginning to grow apart from everyone else, dealing with the heartbreaks and the backstabbing and the losses together because really, they had no choice and no one left after each other.

They were always singled out when it came to giant groups. When it came to certain people, they had to choose whether or not it would be smart to punch them then walk away. Those were like everyday choices to them, but they had grown used to it. They had grown used to depending on nobody but themselves, aside from each other, because that was all they could do in most situations.

But it wasn't until an event that actually seemed to break one of them, that they did truly realize how much they wouldn't be able to do without that extra push from the other.

It wasn't like they were expecting anything to happen. It was just one simple mistake, which was really none of their faults. All it took to set the fire cycle in motion, was just one little misunderstanding.

Sasori had spent the previous night letting nearly everything he'd been keeping locked up and to himself out, because like always, Deidara was the only person who was willing to listen and not say a word to anyone unless the redhead would like him to. The blond would sit and listen like he always would, offering whatever suggestion he could to make him feel better. After all, Sasori's last resort was always going to be going for the razor, and Deidara hated when he brought that option up.

'There's easier and better ways to fix it,' he'd often say. They weren't sure how he did it, but somehow he always managed to talk him out of it.

"You don't realize that cutting won't do anything but make the pain worse," Deidara finished his sentence with that, figuring that would be enough to change the redhead's mind about it. He always did, somehow, and all it usually took was one long, truthful lecture to make him think twice and just drop the idea completely.

"Look, I know they're hurting you. I know you're sick of it, but there's better things," The blond shrugged a little, he'd given this talk to many times by now he was almost positive it was melted into Sasori's brain by now. "You don't have to think that is the only way anymore."

Sasori didn't necessarily have a history of going for the blade, but when it came down to it, it didn't take much to make him desperately want to. He wasn't considered to be 'weak,' but you know how it is out in the world, especially for someone who is technically alone. It doesn't take them much to push them over the edge.

You could say that the redhead had some…issues, if that's the right word. Certain things would bring out certain sides of him that nobody ever really got to see before. Some things would make him completely lose it, when others just made him want to sit and isolate himself from everything.

Deidara knew that, and he was okay with that. He knew that everyone had their days and everyone had things that just made them want to disappear, he had them too, but it didn't mean he wasn't going to try and help Sasori get away from it. Because, that's what he tried his hardest to do.

"Just because people hurt you, doesn't mean you go and hurt yourself. What's that gonna prove, except that they won? You'd be giving into them, doing exactly what they want; completely losing yourself. You might not care that much about it, but I do. I care a lot more then you think I do." Deidara finished, sitting back and watching the redhead.

"No..no," Sasori shook his head, hugging his knees. "It's not like that. I lost everyone…they took EVERYONE that I had left. I'm not gonna have anyone…it's gonna be my fault again and I'm going to have to fix everything and I…I CAN'T! I can't deal with it anymore! I don't know what to do about it! I'm done, I give up! I quit! They win, they win, THEY WIN!"

The redhead buried his face in his knees, and Deidara just listened as he continued. Like always, he listened and offered the best advice he could think of, hoping it was enough to make Sasori change his mind about the cutting and the suicide. Yes, on top of everything that seemed to be wrong with him, Sasori was suicidal… and Deidara hated that.

He wanted to be able to just…not have to worry about whether or not he was going to see his friend in school the next day, or if he would even be breathing an hour or two later that night. He hated knowing that as soon as they got off the phone, or as soon as he left to go home himself, those thoughts could easily fly back into the redhead's mind. He hated knowing that he couldn't help as much as he really wanted to.

"I can't take it…I can't take it…" Sasori shook his head, and the blond could see his shoulders shake a little. "I can't fucking take it! I don't know what's better, if I should just leave everyone and everything or if I should just…just…"

"Don't you DARE," His voice came out harsh, but he had to get his point through. He didn't ever remember a time when Sasori was /this/ set on ending everything. "It's gonna be fine. Nothing's going to happen; everything's gonna be okay."

"NO! It's not gonna be okay! I lost everyone, they took everyone, EVERYTHING! I dunno what to do anymore! Nothing I do is what they want me to do and it's never, EVER good enough for them! I don't know anymore…I can't deal with it! It's always my fault and I'm losing everyone and everything! What's the point in even trying anymore? Really, what is it? I give up, I quit. I lost and they won! I..I—" Sasori couldn't even finish his sentence, before the urge to vomit everything else, besides the long rambles of what he kept to himself for days, up.

So, that's what he did.

Deidara knew better then to just let Sasori be in a bathroom, with scissors and high depression, alone. Sighing, he stood up and followed the sound of the somewhat sobbing redhead and water running. All he could do, since Sasori couldn't even wait a minute to hear what he had to say, was hope that all he did was puke and was cleaning up that, not any blood from any unwanted cuts.

Lucky enough, nothing bad was there. Yes, he was busy rummaging through the bathroom cabinet about the time that Deidara walked in, and yes, he was hesitating before finally pulling his hand back.

Deidara would have to be an idiot to not notice the gleam that reflected off the scissors from the light.

"What the hell," It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to make the redhead glance back. "You promised me!"

Sasori shook his head weakly. "I—I can't. I can't deal with it! I dunno what to do anymore! I—I'm stuck…"

"So, THIS is your way out? What the fuck is wrong with you? How is this going to help anything, really! All it's going to do is fuck you up even more! Why didn't you know that? Why don't you know that! You think it's going to help you and that you're gonna feel better, but you won't!"

Deidara shook his head in disbelief. To be honest, whenever the thought that his best friend was going to kill himself, it made him want to vomit. He hated that, knowing that the only thing that seemed to make Sasori want to stay alive was the fact that he could think of a new way to end it all the next day.

"Look, Danna…you don't see how hard this is for me to deal with, too. But it is! Having to hear you say this and that about killing yourself…and even threatening to DO IT right here, with me in the same room…I hate it! What would anyone do if one day, you're just gone? Do you think anyone would CARE? They would! I would! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

The blond didn't mean to completely lose it like that…but it scared him sometimes, to think that Sasori actually hated his life so much he was willing to end it to make the pain go away.

"All it's gonna do, is make my pain worse. I couldn't do this without you, Danna," Deidara laughed, not a sarcastic or taunting laugh…just a sad, little chuckle. "You think I'd be able to handle this without you?"

"…No," It was a meek little sound, barely even a word to anyone else's ears. But, Deidara heard it loud and clear. Sasori certainly wasn't stupid. He knew that Deidara wouldn't be able to survive on his own…but he didn't know what else to do. He was over everything that's been happening to him for the past weeks, he was just done with it all. Deidara told him he wasn't alone, that he'd always be on the redhead's side through everything, but it wasn't convincing enough…

"You can't die now. There are people who need you, and if no one else, me damn it. You wanna die, fine. But you've come so far, why throw it away now?" It was, really, all Deidara wanted to know. Sure, Sasori didn't really seem to enjoy life that much anymore, but he survived everything that was thrown his way and he had made it far, getting accepted into certain schools for his art and whatnot. Naturally, Deidara was right there with him – applying for the same schools (he had a big thing for art as well.) and even getting accepted to some of them.

"Danna…it's over. It's you and me, we're the only ones who we can trust. I know it and so do you. It's just you and me. The rest of the world doesn't matter anymore. I got your back and you got mine. We'll fight the battles they throw at us because they're losers and we're winners. And we'll ALWAYS be the winners, know why? Because you know me, and I FUCKING hate losing." Deidara didn't even give the redhead a chance to speak, before he continued his own lecture.

"Don't end your life because some little, gutless assholes don't have one. They decide to ruin yours because they have nothing better to do, but you know what? Don't let it get to you. You have so much more than they ever will. Don't let what they say get you down because none of it is true."

Sasori just gave a shrug, leaning against the wall. He slowly slid down to the ground; he didn't care anymore. Deidara didn't know, he wasn't the one in this situation. He still had people to talk to; people that weren't going to backstab and betray him over something as stupid as a comment on a website…

"Y-you don't get it. I lost EVERYTHING. I don't have ANYONE anymore…"

"..Danna.." Deidara sighed; sitting next to the redhead as he carefully took the scissors from his trembling hands.

"Listen. I won't stand for traitors. I won't stand for them doing that to you. I don't care if they used to be my friends or not, right now I'm ready to stab them with a fucking spoon 'till they beg me to stop. 'Till they fucking apologize for all the shit they did. 'Till they are begging for you to forgive them."

He smiled a little; Deidara always had this thing about hurting anyone who hurt his Danna, even if it meant taking extreme causes like that. You couldn't mess around with Sasori without having to deal with Deidara, too.

"When it comes down to it, I'm fucking scary."

"I know." Sasori offered a small smile as the blond stood slowly, tossing the scissors aside and into the sink.

"Now c'mon," He held out a hand. "I'm hungry."

The redhead laughed a little, standing and following him out.

OxOxO

Sasori laughed as he recalled the words Deidara had told him. Who knew that his brat would turn out to really be a selfish, little bitch? He sure didn't. Deidara had promised that he'd always be there, no matter what happened. HAH, what a big, fat lie that had been. The thing that bugged Sasori the most was that he believed it. It drove him insane to realize that he had been stupid enough to believe that someone could be on his side; that someone really cared about him enough to help him get through it all.

He had been stupid enough to believe he really had a reason to live.

Deidara had sworn to always stand by him, but where was the blonde at now? Oh, it was no big deal, he was out with the very people who made Sasori this way. The very people who he had once said he'd kill for the redhead. He was out, living it up while Sasori was stuck inside, dying slowly. There was nothing he could do to change this. Everybody hated him. Nobody even gave him a chance to explain things, anyway.

"_I swear on my life, I will not leave you alone in this. It's going to be me and you fighting them. We'll win. We're stronger than they ever will be. Yeah, they have more people on their side, but you know why we have the advantage? Because we're real. We're not some fake-ass people that throw others around like old, useless toys for their own amusement. We're not gonna let them win; _I_ am not going to let them win. I swear it, Danna."_

Sasori cackled, remembering exactly what the brat had told him. Why would he even spend his time on a 'useless toy' like him anyway? Deidara had him played, and played good. He was just like he claimed to hate. And, even though Sasori had a burning hate for the blonde boy, it still broke him piece by piece to know that Deidara had been a hypocrite all along. It still burned his memory whenever he thought of something they had did, or a promise they had made.

Glancing up at the wall, the redhead growled under his breath. _Why_ had he kept that stupid picture up? He hated it. It only brought the memories back.

Picking up the closest thing he could find, Sasori hurled the book (hardcover, might I add.) at the picture frame, watching as the glass over the painting cracked. Standing, he yanked the drawing off the wall and threw it to the ground, letting out a scream of frustration and anger. He turned, grabbing a glass of iced tea off his dresser, throwing it at the wall while another scream, sounding a bit more like a sob, passed his lips.

One by one, he picked up every sculpture he could find, throwing them all around; the floor, the wall, the door. As each one cracked and shattered and broke, another sob would follow it. He didn't care if he was breaking the very things he put his heart and soul into; if he was going to be broken, his art should be the same.

Sasori turned, facing the mirror. With another scream, his fist flew forward, colliding with the glass; the blood from his knuckles staining the floor.

The redhead opened drawers, taking and ripping apart every picture, drawing, painting or note he could find. They all had too many memories with them, too much hurt and pain of remembering what was.

"_When they break you, _you'll_ know they won, before they do, even. Don't let them rip you apart, because I won't be able to put you back together. I see you, how shattered you are now. If you let them completely tear you, I know nobody will be able to fix you… and I don't want that to happen, Danna. Please, don't let them break you."_

"Break me? BREAK ME? I was already fucking broken! Y-you said you'd stay with me! You said you'd always help me! If that was true, then where the FUCK are you! Why did you leave me! Why the FUCK did _you_ break me, Deidara!"

He didn't care how crazy he was.

"…," Sasori let out another chuckle, reaching to grab his cell phone. He typed in the number he knew too well, despite the pain in his heart that came when he realized Deidara probably deleted his a long time ago. Typing a fast but desperate-enough text message, the redhead hurled the phone towards the door, listening for the crack the told him it was surely broken.

"I hope you're fucking happy! ALL OF YOU! Y-you all worked against me, all because I was tired of being the outsider! I didn't do a single thing to any of you! When you find me, I hope you scream! I hope you cry! I hope you fucking _die_ inside! But you, Brat… No. I want YOU to know that I hope you don't change. That you don't become like them. You've lied to me, you've betrayed me, you've even broke me… but do NOT make that a habit… You'll ALWAYS be my best friend, Brat…"

He was crazy.

Sasori was crazy, and he knew it.

Laughing, he knelt down and plucked up a shard of glass from the broken mirror.

He carefully placed it against the skin on the inside of his arm, sighing as he felt the red liquid running down his arm. He repeated the action with the other arm, wincing as he cut a little too deep.

Taking a breath, the redhead brought the shard to his neck. Sasori closed his eyes, readying himself.

He wasn't scared.

He wasn't going to miss anyone or anything.

He wasn't going to regret anything.

The only thing he was disappointed about, was that he didn't get to see Deidara's face when he walked in.

"DANNA!"

XoXoX

**AN: That is the most depressing thing I have ever written…**

**B| I know, the ending is horrible and it sucks. Obviously, that didn't happen, but I went so crazy with hatred and depression and I was so upset that I tore my room apart one day, and had really thought about doing that but thankfully, my mom came home… **

**And for those, because there are a lot who said this about me, who will claim Sasori overreacted, let me say this: He didn't. Imagine every single person you had once trusted with everything hating you, and imagine going to school every day only to be beat up and bullied and ganged up on when you walk home. Imagine the whole school knowing a intimate secret about you that nobody, not even your own FAMILY, knows, and being treated like crap for it. Imagine having to go through that EVERY DAY. It might not seem like it, but it's a LOT to take in. **

**My brat treated me like shit, yes, but I really want her to know that I appreciate everything she ever did for me and I hope whatever the fuck she's doing now, it's something she's honestly happy with, because she obviously wasn't happy with me. **

**If the ending was kind of confusing, because it seems like it might be, what happened was: Sasori texted Deidara, saying that he was going to really kill himself and if Deidara cared enough, he would show it and try and stop him. Obviously, Sasori knew he would but he went and did what he said he would anyway, and right as he did it, Deidara walked in. Sasori saw him for a split second, hearing him say "Danna!" but he didn't get to see his face when he did it; the one thing he really wanted to see. Why, don't ask.**

**Depression like what I had is a serious matter, and, although I don't know ANY of you on this site except maybe three people, I'm willing to talk to anyone who needs it. Although the reasons for said depression are most definitely going to be different, but I'm always willing to listen to those who are willing to talk to me. do you have to? No. but if you ever want to, I'm here. **

**Do you have to review? Nope. Would it make me happy if you did, though? Yessir. (:**


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